craftymama

So this week was my birthday,and I overindulged a little(and when I say a little, I mean a lot.)  There have been lunches and dinners out this week,with co-workers,friends,and family.  But the funny thing is, before I started all of this, I used to eat like this all the time!  I understand that I was slowly gaining weight at that time,but really my overindulging was in the last two days.  I guess my body has changed,and just will not accept the junk the way it used to!  I am pretty frustrated, I actually got in some really good exercise this week,and it feels like that was all for nothing now, just because of a few slices of cheesecake,some chocolates,some bread with artichoke dip and some pizza!  I haven’t been drinking the water like usual these last few days, I do know that. That may have something to do with it all too.  I am just so frustrated, I had been doing so good,for so long.  I know that these things are bound to happen,and we’re all gonna have some off weeks, but I was already in a sort of plateau,before this.  Plus, my weight was at a pivotal point for me, I was about to go past a number that I had not been past for a really long time, for some reason there has been a lot of anxiety in my mind about this.  Maybe I haven’t totally gotten past some of these old patterns.

I do feel good in the fact that I got up today and stepped on the scale, it said that I had gained 2 lbs., I didn’t just go back to bed,totally defeated, or go directly into the kitchen and cook up this big comforting breakfast, I had some oatmeal and wheat toast with my hubby,and then I went for an hour long walk.  I asked for an IPOD shuffle for my birthday, so I tried it out this morning, and it was really great,there are some really great places that I can walk near me,we have this community marsh,with walking trails and a small lake, it is really beautiful,and within walking distance of my house.  I know it’s all about just keeping it up,and not giving up, it’s times like this when I need to remember that!

I was thinking about it today,and I am realizing that this is actually the most weight that I have ever lost!  So many women my age have yo-yo’ed in weight,and I never really have,I have been this weight for the last 16 years,pretty much.  Maybe that’s what is making me think about this lately,my son just turned 16 years old,and the weight that I have been carrying around is from my pregnancy with him.  I have been over,I would say,215 lbs. for all of my adult life,I was 18 when I had my oldest son.   If I keep losing weight, I am going to start being a weight that I haven’t been for so long!  I don’t know why this is feeling weird for me, but it just is.  It is like new territory for me!  It feels so good that I have kept with this, it was just the right time for me to do it, I don’t think that I was ready to do this before, it just wouldn’t have stuck.

Last night, my husband walked in the house with the worst thing ever… a McDonald’s bag!  I just wanted to just knock him upside his noggin’!  I’ll be honest now.  I ate what amounted to about a handful of fries,and one of those little plain hamburgers.  It was good, but I would have just been just as happy with a salad or one of my favorite lean cuisines!(sesame chicken,if you’re curious.)  Then about an hour later, I had this horrible queasy feeling in my stomach! I haven’t had any fast food in about 3 months. The grease was just sitting in my stomach.  That was enough to keep me eating healthy!

I shared this today in the new group that I’m in(the phoenix, I love it, hey girls!)and I think it is a great motto to have-

“A goal is a dream taken seriously.”   Remember that, because that is what we are doing here,every last one of us.  We are all worth the effort!

“Will this matter to me a year from now?”that has been a mantra that I use in everyday life sometimes.  I think it’s just something to put things in perspective and “not sweat the small stuff”.  But I’ve been thinking about something that one of my good buddies on here wrote to me recently, I have been getting so caught up in the pound for pound mentality.  If there is a week that goes by and I don’t lose, I feel like a failure.  I know there are so many things that can happen in our bodies, water weight, that time of the month, what time of the day you step on the scale.   I think what it is, with me at least, is that I really feel like I need to see something tangible, to show that all of these changes,and all of this hard work, has been worth it! I’ve never thought of myself as an impatient person, but when it comes to weight loss, I think I am. 

I have been stuck in a tiny plateau for the last 2-3 weeks,and was very frustrated about it, but then I had remembered that I had taken all of my measurements about a month ago.  So, earlier this week, I got the measuring tape out, and did all of my measurements again,and the most amazing thing happened… it showed that I had lost a total of eight and a half inches,in the last month!  So, what I am realizing is that no matter what the scale is saying, my body is changing.  Of course, I would love it if all of those inches were concentrated in my stomach area, but that’s just not how it works, I guess!lol    The funny thing is one of the places where I’ve noticed that I’ve lost weight is in my hands! Of all places,geez!  My wedding ring keeps wanting to fall off!  I was hoping to wait until I’ve gotten closer to my goal weight, before I resize it, but we’ll see.  Today I saw two co-workers that I have not seen in about a month,and they both said that she could definately see the weight loss in my face. I’m thinking to myself, “that’s all well and good, but I wanna see this “muffin top” disappearing from the top of my size 20 jeans!” lol 

But really, what I am learning is that this is a journey,and we can’t get stuck in a rut, there will be plateau’s,but if we just keep doing what we’re doing, things will inevitably be different in a year from now, it’s just the way it works!

I found a pair of roller skates at a thrift store the other day.  When I was young, I used to love roller skating,and was pretty good, so I thought it would be fun.  They look brand new, they are white and pink, so they are kinda girly,so it really brings me back to my childhood!  So, tonight,after dinner, I put them on and carefully wheeled out the door.  It was pretty shaky in the beginning!  My son went around the block with me, him with his scooter.  My husband went with us to hold my hand the first time around the block.  It was all pretty comical, let me tell you!  But then I really got the hang of it, it was all coming back to me and it was a lot of fun!  So, my plan is to go out with my son and just have fun with it every once in awhile.  It was quite a workout too, my heart was beating pretty good.  Those skates are like having 10 lb. weights around your ankles!  There’s a local roller derby league for women in our area.  Somewhere down deep I think about how it would be on one of those teams, they’ve got these crazy names and are all tough and cool and hip at the same time.  Maybe once I get to my goal weight, I may get the courage to try it. I don’t know.  I could have an alter ego! Mild mannered early childhood educator by day, hot roller mama by night!   

So, yesterday, my family,myself,my husband,my 7 yr. old,and my 15 yr.old, went to the lake with my son’s girlfriends family,well, actually it was just his girlfriend and her dad.(so,6 people total on the boat). Well, dad is a very thin man,probably 140 lbs. soaking wet.  We were having a great time on this beautiful jet boat,their pride and joy,it was great.  Then, it starts happening.  Dad starts to try to maintain balance in the boat at all times(can you all see where this is going…). So, I notice that everytime I am sitting on one side of the boat, he would casually then ask both of my sons and girlfriend to get over on the other side,while my husband was squarely in the middle. C’mon now, I know that very thin people(very thin men especially!) have no concept of what people may weigh, but how could he possibly think that it would be balanced, that I weigh about the same as the three of them!  Plus, as the driver,he was on their side too!  It just kept quietly happening all day.  I tried not to let it bother me, but it started to a little.   When we got home, I mentioned it to my husband,he said that he had noticed,and was hoping that I hadn’t.   I did have a good time though,otherwise.  They had this huge raft thing that they pulled behind it.  I got on it with my older son and his girlfriend,and it was so fun, it was quite a workout to hold on on those turns,my arms are sore today.   I was very proud of my food choices all day too.  I had a ham and cheese sandwich(on wheat) and a pear for lunch.  All was okay, then they bring out the double stuff oreos! But I came prepared,and pulled out my pack of 100 calorie chips ahoy,and I was okay.  They snacked all day too.  If it wasn’t the oreos,it was doritos.  My son’s girlfriend is very thin too, so I guess they are just naturally skinny people, and she gets it from her dad.  It is a little frustrating to see everyone snack on junk and drink pepsi all day long.  I’m not blogging about it because I struggled not to eat that stuff all day, because it was actually pretty easy, I am proud to say.  I think that I have lost the craving for junk, and it feels so good finally. I didn’t drink as much water as I should have though, I didn’t want to have to pee to often,while out on the boat! 

Then, of course, on the way home, everyone wanted to stop at McDonald’s for dinner.  But then again, I prevailed, by ordering the asian salad and a water.  It wasn’t the best salad that I have had,that’s for sure,I didn’t even eat it all,but it got me through a McD’s visit, unscathed.  All in all,I will be able to look back on the day as a good memory though. 

I’ve got the kelly clarksen song stuck in my head now! 

For the last month almost,my husband and my younger son,have been going on walks with me almost every evening.  At least,3 times a week.  The other walks have been with a friend,and then there have been a handful of days where I did my exercise dvd’s.  I have been averaging about 5 days a week.  So, last night,my husband said that he didn’t feel like going on the walk,so I decided to take a break that night,but in my head I was thinking to myself,”uh oh,this might mess up my motivation.”  So, this evening,the same thing happened,but something inside me got me to put my shoes on and walk out that door!  It was a great walk too,so I’m feeling pretty good right now.   I am hoping that this is not somehow an end to my hubbies support in any way, I do worry down the road about that, since he is honestly pretty happy with me at a larger size.  I worry about him possibly trying to mess me up,without even realizing that he’s doing it.  I know that there will probably come a time when I will need to reassure him that no matter what size I get, he is my one and only.  As many of us say on here, it is one day at a time.  I am usually a somewhat independent  person in general,but for some reason it felt like I needed to have someone with me when exercising,at least when walking,so it feels good to be breaking that addiction.

Speaking of addictions, it has been almost a week since stepping on a scale!  Even though I have made it this week, I am beyond excited to step on it on saturday morning, to see if there has been a good loss.  So, it’s still on my mind a lot, but it’s a start.  I will be resetting my weight ticker(hopefully!) after the weigh in!

I want to thank everyone for the kind words and encouragement they gave during my recent rant.  I’m trying to get past it, although I’m sure it’ll come up again.  But hopefully next time I’ll have the wisdom and confidence to know that it’ll get better.  I’ve decided that I’m going to try to push myself a little more on my walks.  My husband and younger son have been so sweet, going on walks with me almost every night.  We’ve really made it into a fun family thing!  We live about a mile and a half from the university(humboldt state), and our regular walk goes right by it, so now we go over there too,and we found some flights of stairs at one of the buildings.  You should have seen us! It’s about three flights, and we had fun going up and down them until my legs were woobly! I ran up and down them about 7 times, then we continued on with our regular walk.  It was a good addition to our regular walk,and I felt proud of myself for thinking of it. 

Another thing that I feel proud of is asking my hubby to hide the scale.  That’s a huge thing for me.  I know that it is just driving me crazy right now. So, the plan is now for him to bring it back out on friday.  Hopefully by then I will see a change in poundage, it’s this every day thing that is enough to drive me wacko, one day up two pounds, next day down one, I’m sure that everyone that is reading this knows what I mean !  

I am back to work next week. . . I am really trying to get the most out of this last week.  It has been so nice sleeping in, cuddling with my little boy, leisurely coming on here, with my coffee and in my jammie’s! Working on my mosaic art,all day if I want!  I’ve really been trying to get a lot of pieces done now, because I am thinking of trying to sell some, for christmas money.  That has been a pretty recent thing for me, I used to never sell my pieces, I would get too attached to them.  Mosaics really take a lot of time, but I only have so much room for them in my little house!  So, I’m getting better about it, and have a few of my pieces in a local shop.   I am realizing that they do represent many hours of work, but I love doing it, but above all, they are THINGS, and once I finish it, I can let others enjoy it too.   Maybe once I get better with putting pictures on here, I will show you all some of my work.   Okay, I’ve got 6 days left, I better get out and enjoy them to the fullest!

I try to be so positive most of the time, but I’ve just got to vent a little.   I worked really hard this week,and just maintained.   I think that it is because it is that time of the month(I think).  Like I had mentioned before, I’m not even sure if that’s it though, since I have had my IUD in, I don’t have much of a period. Some months nothing at all.  So I think that’s what it is, but who knows.   But my question is this:  All of this work that I’ve put in this week, did it count for anything, and will I see a bigger than normal loss next week, or was this week all for nothing in a way?  I’ve been thinking of this in terms of weeks.  It may not be the right way to think of things, I don’t know.  Here I go, getting impatient.  It really is something that I need to work on.   I do realize that it’s about a lifestyle change.  I just gave that advice to someone just last night,geez! I’ll push my way through it,and just keep doing what I’ve been doing so far.  Nobody said this was going to be easy!   Aarrghh… 

I know the title sounds a little crazy, but more on that later… first,I am really getting a little obsessive about weighing myself.  The last day or two has shown a 2 lb. gain, but I know that I am doing better than ever.  I have a feeling that it has something to do with that time of the month, but I’m not sure.  I have had an IUD in for almost 2 years,and have not had much of a period since then,so it’s sometimes hard to know if it’s from that.  I think that I still get bloated at that time though.  I know I’m new to this still, but not seeing the scale going down when I am putting so much effort into it, is really doing a number on me.   I don’t have a problem with weighing throughout the day, but it has become a habit to do it every morning, after my morning pee.  Urine does weigh a lot!LOL  (I know,that paragraph probably had too much information in it,huh!)

Last night my husband and younger son went on a good walk with me.  It’s a route that we’ve done regularly for the last few weeks.  It has a good amount of hills,and I am usually breathing pretty heavy throughout about half of it.  Well, it was the craziest thing,but I kind of just breezed threw the walk.  I’m guessing that that means that I should up my intensity and distance.  As it is, it’s an hour walk.  We’ll see, maybe it is something to really look at, if this really is some sort of plateau. It seems a little early in the game for that!  We’ll see what happens in a few days,if I can just keep what I’m doing,and pull out of this.  I’m a heartbreaker,and I will be weighing in on saturday, we’ll see what happens!

Okay, so I’ll let you in on what that title is all about…I wanted to let everyone know about this really cool website, it’s americaonthemove.org ,there is some really good information on it, but the feature that I am really excited about is the trail walks. I don’t know exactly what it’s called, but you can go on there and pick a famous trail, I chose the Iditarod! So you go on there and track all of your exercise. It can go by steps or minutes,and it will show you the trail and how your progressing on it, as if you were walking it!  In the challenge that I’m in, I am supposed to walk a minimum of like 6,600 or so steps a day,every day,and by september 18th, I will have walked the entire Iditarod in alaska! The entire thing is like over 1,100 miles.  It’s just a tangible way to see where all of your hard work is going!  It’s a free website, there are a lot of different places to choose from, this was one of the shorter routes to choose from.  I think that it will be a neat way to get and stay motivated.   Someone(sorry,don’t remember who) had mentioned this website on the walking forum, a few nights ago.  So, if anyone else wants to do this with me, let me know,and get on that website.  I’ll keep everyone posted!

Today, my son and I walked to the farmer’s market. It was a beautiful day, I was feeling great, we got some good fresh fruits and veggies, we sat on the grass and watched a juggler, all was good in my world.   Then my son says it.  “Can we go get an ice cream?”  On the corner is a local ice cream parlor(one of my past favorite haunts!).   Okay, I will be honest with everyone.  My first thought was, ”well, maybe I’ll have a small cone, I’ve been so good this week.”  So we get in line, but as we were waiting to order, a cRazY thing happened, something that has NEVER happened before . . . nothing there sounded good ! I just didn’t feel like having an ice cream.  I had my big bottle of water with lemon in it, I was good.  So, when we got up to order,my son ordered a orange sherbert(bless his heart, he just likes that kind luckily, doesn’t really realize that it’s healthier!).  The woman asked if that would be all,  and I said yes!  I walked out of there with my head held so high, I must have looked like a silly grinning peacock! LOL    So that was a major personal victory for me, let me tell you!  There may be a time in the future where the ice cream wins, I’m not against treating myself once in a while, but I’ll pass that bridge when i get to it, but it was not today.   It has only been 3 weeks into this lifestyle change, and I already have had ups and downs, I’m sure that I will have many more ups and downs, more good days and bad days.  But I think each time that you make it to the other side, it just makes you a little stronger, and hopefully a little wiser too.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.   -Chinese Proverb